Thursday, April 21, 2011

Internal Cussing – Z to A Blog Challenge

I didn’t cuss until I was in my thirties. Then, after several hours of tax figuring, I ‘saved’ my column of numbers on the computer and exited. The computer burped and thanked me for the meal. I yelled my first F-Bomb at it. The speakers snickered back.

Later, as a Corrections Officer I learned all kinds of new words.

But a mouse (a rodent, not a computer device) is what caught the Avon lady’s attention. The varmint (mouse not the lady) had the run of the house. None of my ancient traps worked so I set a shiny new black trap and waited.

That fateful day, the Avon lady rang my doorbell. Since I did not know her well, we traded comments about the weather and sat erectly on the sofa. Think gloves and china teacups, okay?

From the kitchen, I heard a SNAP!

I jumped to my feet and yelled, “Hot Damn. Nailed the little bastard.”

Her expression holds a permanent place in my memory. She left and avoided my house thereafter.

In fact, the neighbors avoided me for months. You know how those Avon ladies get around.


  1. As an Australian it's easy to think Americans are very much like us, but then I read things like this and realise we have very different cultures. Few people here would think your outburst was in any way swearing and would be bemused to hear someone say it was.

  2. that was RICH!
    wait -WHA? a corrections officer? You gotta be sh***ing me! pardon my French.
    happy I day!

  3. @austrodavicus
    Believe me, sometimes it isn't the actual words that defines swearing, it is the tone and ambience...LOL

    @ Tara
    That is my 'C' word next week. Humans only get more hilarious behind bars.

  4. That is so funny about the mouse. They do say that cussing is good for you - and I believe it because it lets off bottled up steam. You feel so good after a good cuss!

  5. This is hilarious!!! Sounds like it could be my house!!! Thanks for the chuckle!!Thanks for stopping by my site and for your kind comments
    Kathy at Oak lawn Images.

  6. LOL! Followed the breadcrumbs over here from my blog. You are too funny! :)

  7. ohmygosh, I can just see her face! That's an amazing story!

  8. Any blogger who uses "Dude" in their post-line wins my approval. Well done, Bra!

    I remember this event like it was yesterday. (It was not--I was six then, now 35...sigh) My father, the recently retired minister, was holidng our brand new puppy in his arms while my two older sisters, mother and I snuggled him up. Dad set him down on the dining room table so we could all get equal rub time on our fuzzy new brother, when all of a sudden he squatted and took a seriously big puppy poop right there on my mom's beautiful, recently pressed tablecloth.

    "Oh shit!" Mom screamed.
    Dad just smiled. "Yep. That's definitely what it is."

  9. Very funny story! And how interesting that you were a corrections officer, I can only imagine the stories you have from that experience. Great post!

  10. Huntress, you continue to have me laughing out loud!!!
    Sadly, I was 3 years old, the first time I dropped the f-bomb. One of my older brother's friends kept saying it and told me to go ask my mom what it meant. So I did.
    I have never lived it down.
    Keep up the fantastic posts!

  11. I would have paid good money to see her face.


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