Friday, May 4, 2012

The Writer's Voice

Cupid's Literary Connection is conducting an interesting contest this month.

As one of the participants, here is my entry:

Title: The Adamant
Genre: Adult Urban Fantasy

No one tells Shamira Kelley how to live her life. Not the parents who abandoned her. Or the ancient relic that seeks to bond with her.

First 250 words:
His lazy strides across the mall caught my attention. Like he had time to kill and everyone else could wait at his leisure. Most galling was how people moved out of his way. No glares. No commotion.

He appeared to be about my age, early twenties with black hair that curled just below the collar of his white shirt. With the body and gliding walk of a dancer, his physique should have been drawing stares.  But that wasn’t what piqued my interest. What set me off was his arrogance. Not his looks. Totally secondary. I barely noticed. Really.

Glances from the people in the crowded mall slid off, went around him like light bending around the source.

“Look, the gods have blessed us with one of their own,” I said to Olive, my former guardian.

She turned away from matching towels and shot a glance around us. At forty-two, Olive still has the body of a model but a fluff head she was not. Like me, she is wary of crowds.

“What?” she said.

I gestured. “That guy. The one walking like he thinks no one will touch him. He’s the picture of arrogance, isn’t he?”

Olive’s brow gathered as she focused on the area where the black-haired man paced unimpeded. He moved like a king among his subjects.


I gaped at her. “Him. That man. Strutting across the mall.”

I pointed.

Her gaze sharpened but then shifted to me again.

“I don’t see what you’re dithering about.” Olive shrugged.


  1. I still love this! Good luck *fingers and toes crossed*

  2. congrats on gettingin and your first page is awesome! great job!

  3. I was looking at the list and got all excited when I saw a couple of familiar names on the list. Congrats on making it in and good luck!

    So happy we connected on A to Z!

  4. "No one tells Shamira Kelley how to live her life. Not the parents who abandoned her. Or the ancient relic that seeks to bond with her." I like this girl - A LOT! Like Alex, I recall this excerpt - and wanting to read more of the story. Great stuff!

    I'm reading your twitter updates on the sidebar there and LingMAO! YOU are trying NOT to kill something?!? Are you feeling feverish? Do you need some help? I'm only an email away. I'll drive there if you're really in peril! ;D

    1. Oh, thank you thank you for the compliment. I hope you'll get to read it someday. Inside your bookcover on the left :)

      And thank whoever discovered the attributes of St John's Wort for Generally Pissed At Everything. That is one miracle drug.

      rum is useful also, but er...

    2. Seriously? I need some if it's that good! I took it years ago but had to stop because of photosensitivity. I'm in the sun way too much. I don't think I took it long enough to feel the results.

    3. As in, positive results, I could've used the word benefits, as in: "I don't think I took it long enough to experience the benefits." That's better. I need a nap.

    4. Rum, I've taken. I don't remember...

    5. I programmed my computer to play dialogue from the second Pirates movie when I receive new email/comments.

      So Johnny Depp said, “Why is the rum always gone?” when I got this comment.

      *still laughing*

  5. Very intriguing excerpt. I have just recently been introduced to urban fantasy. The writing is compelling, but the adjustment from other genres is a challenge for this old brain. LOL

    BTW, hop over to my blog today when you can. I have an award for you. I enjoyed meeting you via the Z to Z challenge and hope to visit often.

  6. Your writing is so good, huntress. Thanks for posting this. I know men that seem to give off arrogance like the one you're talking about...but maybe it's all in my head.

  7. The summary has a good hook. Good luck in the contest!

  8. Dear Huntress,
    Everything about this is cool, especially the phenomenal summary - best I've seen yet - proper confident. Great first page, defo wanna read on. But the coolest is your name - I so wanna be you!
    I think you're gonna get 4 ladies squabbling over you for this.
    Good luck, not that you'll need it.
    Jacky (#130)

    1. Your praise is very much appreciated. Thank you, thank you.

  9. Sounds great. This certainly drew me in. Not sure if Olive meant he couldn't see the man in the mall, or didn't see anything outstanding about him. Suggestion: ... paced unimpeded, like a king among his subjects.

    1. Ooooh, thank you. If you're like me, crits are always welcome.

  10. I love that your query is succinct and intriguing. It grabs your attention, and pulls you in. Good luck!
    #120 Laurie Muench

  11. I really want to read more of this. The summary intrigues me, but the opening really seals the deal. Good luck!

  12. Good luck in the contest! -April, #61

  13. Nice short summary, and I want to know if the guy is a ghost or something. Nice and intriguing, I'd read on. Good luck!

    SC (#159)

  14. @ Laurie, Noelle, April, and SC Author

    I assumed 'summary' meant logline. After looking at other entries, EEk, maybe the Cupid gals needed the entire query posted.

    ah well. Thank you to one and all. i can't tell you how much the well-wishes of my peers mean to me.

    Best of luck to all of you as well.

  15. What a great opening, Huntress! Your characters are so full of ... well, character. This definitely left me curious to read on.

  16. Ooh, I like the mystery and intrigue in your first 250. Well done!

  17. Great opening! Good luck!

    ~Nicole, entry 68

  18. Just stopping by to wish you luck!

    Krystalyn #87

  19. Good luck to you! ferris #175


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