Friday, December 2, 2011

Jokes for Friday

(Cuz I got nuthin' else)
Joke #1

I went to a psychiatrist hoping he would cure my problem.

“Doc, I’m going crazy. I think something is under my bed and I can’t sleep.”

“I can rid you of that delusion. See me three times a week and I’ll cure you.”

“How much do you charge?”

“Eighty dollars per visit,” the doctor said.

“Ouch,” I said. “Well, I'll sleep on it.”

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn't you come see me about your delusion?”

“Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money,” I said. “A bartender cured me for $10.”

“Is that so,” the doc said. He sneered. “And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now.”

Joke #2
WARNING! Risqué.

 What is the difference between a lover, a hooker, and a housewife?

Lover says, “Harder, harder.”

Hooker says, “Faster, faster.”

Housewife says,

*pause for effect*

“…beige…..I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”


  1. LOL! Three guesses which joke I like best. ;)

  2. I hear the word beige at that particular moment and the honeymoon is over!

  3. LOL, those were perfect for this moment. I just returned home from three hours hosting at a Nativity Festival to find my entire house smells like something burnt. My 12 year old wanted a biscuit. She tried to cook it in the microwave and forgot about it. My guess, the package said 12 minutes. She cooked the biscuit in the microwave for 12 minutes!

    How do you not notice the smell? It's also 60 degrees in the house cause she had all the windows open. I'm so glad I live in the south!

  4. Okay. See, now I'm going to giggle for a while. Both were pretty funny but I have to admit, the second one made me laugh out loud for real.

  5. @Linda G
    How about one guess

    I believe this is an example of internal dialogue.

    Hm. I hope that isn't the definition of southern biscuits.

    You are most welcome. It is an old joke and takes a comic flare to say it right. Gotta have that dramatic pause.

    You are welcome. Glad I could give you a snicker.

    It cracks me up too.


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