Profound Confusion

When I began this writing journey, those already in the business offered much advice. A lot of it contradictory.

Some of the 'help' came from people who appear a bit touched in the head. Or Laughing Their Collective A** Off at the muck they caused.

Examples:

“There is no such thing as a ‘query letter’,” snarled one literary agent.

“Here is a sample of a query letter,” said another literary agent.

Huh?

A published author advised the following in a query:

BOOK TITLE, urban fantasy.

Another published author sniffed and suggested:

Book Title, an urban fantasy

*sigh*

Agents have their preferences. They are people too. Or so I’ve heard. But what about the agent who doesn’t detail exactly how they like their query?

It’s up to the lame-brained writer to decide; does the agent like their query shaken or stirred?

To personalize or not to personalize; that is the question. Actually, how in hell’s name do we write a personalized note to an agent who has no website? Or one whose last post was two years ago? Not much marketing going on there. And not someone who is high on my list.

Conspiracy. Sometimes I wonder if there is an industry-wide scheme to cause confusion. Just for entertainment purposes. 

Agents, laughing uncontrollable, switching, and deleting information like format issues, rich text, HTML, page heading, title page, summary vs synopsis.

There is no such thing as ‘contemporary fantasy’. This came from a fellow writer even though I was submitting to an agent who wanted…yeah you guessed it, Contemporary Fantasy.

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, agents rolled their collective eyes at self-pub. With the success of so many in the industry, Amanda Hocking aside, I believe they see it a little differently. And we adjust even as the industry shakes like a dog emerging soaked from a pond.

Confused by sensory overload? TMI? Or are the little voices in your head laughing at you. pipe down, I told you not to say anything!

For Pete’s Sake, Don’t…

As a writer and blogger, I’ve stumbled down many an alleyway mostly due to naiveté.

Now I recognize how stooopid they were, those instances of Doh! and I cringe.

In order to help the writers just leaving the starting gate, I have three big Don’ts.

Since most writers have little time to dink around with long posts, here is

Monumental Advice Number One

Tell no one that you are writing/have written a book. If you have a spouse who supports you, it’s okay to tell them (she said grudgingly) but use digression.

By keeping your writing career mum, you will avoid these Questions.

“So where is your book? I keep checking the NYT bestseller list but *insert the snark here* haven’t seen your name.”

“I saw this ad about publishing your own book. They call it a vanity press. Why don’t you use them?”

“It’s been three months since you finished the book and still not published? Wow. “*insert pitying expression*

Advice Number Two:

Do not disparage agents, agencies, or your fellow authors on your blog. Self-inflicted wounds, i.e. shooting yourself in the foot, lose their charm after the first direct hit. No good can come of offending your potential clients and backers.

Last of the Three For-Heaven’s-Sake-Don’t-Do-This Rules

Posting rejections, the number of queries sent, the extra pages requested might seem like a good idea. But do you really want your followers to see this? Anytime I consider posting my stats, I refer to the Number One and the inclination dies.

Do you have any deep regrets since starting this business? I’d love to hear more from writers who committed the First Mistake, their friends and family’s responses, and how they dealt with them.